


I'll Find My Future By Leaving Things Behind

by northernlass49



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-07
Updated: 2014-02-07
Packaged: 2018-01-11 11:15:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1172395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/northernlass49/pseuds/northernlass49
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the eve of Robb and Jeyne's wedding, Sansa's day has gone from bad to worse until Jon reappears with the promise of a better tomorrow.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Find My Future By Leaving Things Behind

When her clock alarm went off, Sansa groaned and burrowed beneath the duvet, trying to snatch a few extra minutes of sleep. After climbing out of bed, she wandered over to the window to check the weather and discovered a world encased in white. 

“Shit!” she thought in a panic. “I better get a move on”.

She showered and dressed quickly, grabbed her backpack and was out the door. 

As expected, the buses were delayed due to traffic snarls and icy road conditions. When she arrived at the university, already flustered, she was thirty minutes late. Fortunately, they were admitting late students, due to the extreme weather, and extending their time to finish. But this did little to alleviate Sansa’s general mood of anxiety. Statistics was a difficult course and she was already scraping by.

Towards the end of the exam she was reduced to making educated guesses to the answers of the multiple choice questions, each answer just as plausible as the next. She glanced at the clock and realized that she still had another fifteen minutes to go over her answers and make changes. Most of the students had already left the hall, leaving just a handful to finish. She sat there staring at the clock, tapping her pen on her lip. 

“Fuck it” she concluded. “I’m done”.

She shuffled together the answer sheets and handed them in to the exam monitor. Then she collected her backpack and left the hall, making her way to the nearest cafeteria to grab a coffee and maybe some breakfast. 

As she sat at a corner table sipping her coffee, she contemplated what to do next. She had originally planned on spending the afternoon with Joff doing some Christmas shopping. But Joff had texted her last night to cancel because a close friend of his had called and needed to talk. She was disappointed because she had the whole afternoon planned starting with lunch at their favorite restaurant followed by shopping in a trendy area of town. Then they would head over to her family’s church for 4:00 p.m. for the wedding rehearsal. Joff assured her that he would still meet her at the church for the rehearsal. 

Robb, her older brother, and Jeyne were finally getting married after being together for four years. They had waited until Robb had graduated with a business degree and a job offer to join Petyr Baelish’s firm. She was so excited when they announced their engagement and even more excited when Jeyne asked her to be the maid of honor. However, she was less than thrilled when Jeyne proudly showed her a picture of the bridesmaid’s dress she had chosen for her attendants to wear. Sansa was crestfallen when she saw the aqua colored dress in the catalog with all its fussy frills and gathers. 

“Oh dear God…it’s hideous!” she thought. 

She tried to muster a brilliant smile to mask her disappointment. Arya peered at the photo and wrinkled her nose in disgust.

“I’m not wearing that ugly thing” she declared defiantly.

“Arya!” admonished Sansa. “Don’t be rude. Jeyne is the bride and we will proudly wear whatever choice she makes”.

“Fine…whatever” said Arya, clearly losing interest. “I’m going to see what the boys are doing”. 

Sansa made noises of approval as Jeyne happily showed her the album that the wedding planner had put together. She loved Jeyne like a sister already but she wished that Jeyne’s taste was more like her own. 

Sansa decided to head over Margaery’s place near campus to see if she was interested in joining her for lunch and an afternoon of shopping. Sansa and Margaery had been best friends since they met participating in Frosh Week activities. As she trudged through the heavy snow that was piling up on the sidewalk, she reached into her bag for her phone with the intention of sending Margaery a text letting her know that she was on her way. Only, she couldn’t find her phone. She set the backpack on a snow bank and rifled frantically through her things. Then she remembered belatedly that she had plugged it into the recharger before she went to bed and in her haste she forgot to retrieve it. 

Never mind, thought Sansa, I’ll just have to surprise her.

Margaery lived nearby in off campus student housing. Sansa let herself in the front door of the converted house with the key that Margaery had given her earlier and banged the snow off her boots before taking the stairs two at a time to the second floor. She knocked sharply on Margaery’s door but there was no response. She knocked again and called out Margaery’s name. This time she heard noises and the door opened slowly. 

Margaery stood in the doorway clad in panties and a T-shirt that was clearly not her own. And Sansa knew this because she recognized the T-shirt…she had given it to Joff a few months ago. It featured his favorite indie band and had a mustard stain near the right shoulder from when they had stopped off at a hotdog stand for a quick bite after a concert. She stood there, stunned, trying to process what she was witnessing. 

Margaery looked flustered.

“Sansa, I wasn’t expecting you. How…how was your exam?” she stammered. 

Sansa narrowed her eyes and her lips curled in disgust as she understood. 

“Where is he, Marge” she demanded. 

Margaery hesitated before Joff appeared behind her. His eyes were cold and glittering and he had a triumphant smirk on his face. Sansa felt the urge to reach up and smack that sneaky little smile off his face but she suppressed it. Arya would have done it…but she wasn’t Arya. 

“Well, I hope you two are happy together…you clearly deserve each other” she called out as she turned and fled down the stairs. She could feel bile rising in her stomach.

“Sansa, wait!” called out Margaery. But it was too late. Sansa was already outside heaving in a nearby snow bank. 

As she wiped the spittle from her chin and the tears from her eyes, she wondered how on earth she had missed seeing the signs. She wondered how long they had been sneaking around behind her back.

Oh, God, I am such a loser she thought morosely.

The snow was getting heavier and the walking was getting more treacherous. She considered going home and getting drunk on cheap wine. But then she remembered the wedding rehearsal and she sobered up. No matter how lousy she felt, she wouldn’t let her family down. 

The weather had become worse so she determined that it would be more prudent to catch the bus for the church now instead of later in the afternoon. Rush hour is inherently busy and would be worse with the buses crowded with commuters and Christmas shoppers both trying to get home. 

As the bus slowly wound its way through the city streets, Sansa stared moodily out the window. Normally the sight of the gaudy Christmas decorations would fill her with the holiday spirit but it wasn’t having any effect now. She sighed inwardly and slumped in her seat.

When she reached her stop, she exited through the rear of the bus and promptly stepped into a deep slushy puddle. The cold water flooded into her new black leather boots that had looked so cute in the store but had proved to be rather impractical. She darted along the icy, slushy sidewalk to the large stone structure on the corner, Godswood Prebyterian, her family’s church since her brother, Bran, was born. She mounted the snow laden front steps and tugged on the handle of the heavy wooden door. It was locked. She checked her watch and realized that she had an hour and a half to wait until the rehearsal began. 

She looked around in desperation, looking for somewhere nearby to hang out and possibly get something to eat while she waited for the church to open up. She spotted a warm looking little café halfway down the block, its window decorated with cheery Christmas lights.

A bell tinkled as she opened the door to the café. The air of the café was redolent with the smell of freshly brewed coffee and ginger cookies. Her stomach growled in anticipation. She was looking around for somewhere to sit when her eyes settled on a familiar face. 

“Jon” she called out with relief.

He looked up and smiled. 

“Hey, Sansa, come join me” he replied moving his coat from the empty chair to back of his own. 

She sat down gratefully and removed her coat, hat and scarf. As she shook out her auburn hair, the waitress arrived to take her order. She ordered a muffin and a cup of tea while Jon requested a refill of coffee. 

Jon Snow, she mused wistfully, Robb’s best friend since childhood and her first crush. He had always been the nicest of all of Robb’s friends, the one who had given her Lady, her beloved Northern Inuit dog, when she was aged eleven and he was fourteen. He had found Lady’s mother dead in a secluded wooded area near their home and her puppies in distress. Despite their parents’ reservations, each of the Stark kids received a puppy from that litter to love and keep as their own. When Lady died a couple of years later after being hit by a car, Jon had held her tight and told her how sorry he was for her loss. He always made her feel so special and grown-up. 

She hadn’t seen much of Jon since he and Robb graduated from high school. Jon moved away to attend university up north where he received his undergraduate degree in history and was now enrolled in law school. He was back in town to be Robb’s best man at the wedding. 

“So, are you locked out of the church, too?” asked Sansa between bites of her muffin. 

Jon smiled and took a sip of coffee.

“With the weather so bad I drove up sooner than planned. Unfortunately, I arrived a little too early so I had some time to kill” he replied.

Sansa continued to eat her muffin as she studied Jon with interest. He was just as good looking…no, better-looking, she decided, now that he had let his dark curly hair grow out and sported a light beard. He was wearing a grey plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up to reveal muscular biceps. Sansa silently voiced her approval. 

“So, where is Joff? I heard he would be attending the rehearsal with you”, he asked casually. 

“He’s not coming. He had somewhere else he had to be”, she replied quickly, a little too quickly. It didn’t help that her lower lip started to quiver. 

He tilted his head to one side and looked at her with skepticism in his grey eyes. He knew her well enough to know when she was lying.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, Sansa. But you might want to tell your face that everything is okay when you try to explain his absence to Robb”, he said with concern. 

Jon knew that Robb hated Joff. Robb regarded Joff as an entitled asshole who repeatedly used his family’s wealth and position to his advantage. He didn’t like the way Joff talked down to Sansa, sometimes treating her like a recalcitrant child. He was especially disturbed by the recent sight of Joff raising his hand as if to strike Sansa when Robb chanced upon the two of them engaged in a heated argument. Joff lowered his arm in time when he spotted Robb but the gleam of barely suppressed violence stayed in his eyes while his hand remained clenched by his side. Robb cornered Sansa later, urging her to dump Joff. Sansa refused claiming she was handling it and everything was okay. 

Sansa’s blue eyes started to fill with tears and she turned her face away from him with embarrassment. She stared at the counter where the waitress idly played with her cell phone.

“Sansa”, he said softly as he leaned in and took one of her hands. “What happened? Where is he?”

“He’s with Marge”, she croaked, her voice full of emotion.

She turned back to face him and knew that she couldn’t hold back any longer. The words tumbled out of her mouth like a stream of water. She told him the whole sad story of Joff’s infidelity and Margaery’s betrayal. She confessed to Jon that things had been difficult between her and Joff for a very long time. That when they fought he inevitably ended up hurting her, both physically and emotionally. But then he would apologize so sweetly, begging for forgiveness and promising never to do it again. And she so desperately wanted to believe him so she did…each and every time.

Sansa was a smart girl. She had taken courses in psychology and she had volunteered at a women’s shelter so she knew intellectually that she was caught up in a cycle of abuse. But she had convinced herself that she and Joff were just going through a bad patch and that life would get better if she just gave him some slack and continued to be supportive and understanding. She had invested so much time and energy into this relationship that she refused to walk away from it. She hoped against hope that, in time, Joff would realize how much he loved and needed her and maybe they could find a more positive way of dealing with their problems. 

Lalalalala…she realized she had metaphorically stuck her fingers in her ears and steadfastly refused to listen to that inner voice that told her to flee. So it came as no surprise that when she finished her tale, drained of all emotion, she felt lighter. The anxiety that had burrowed into her chest was gone and all she had left was humiliation and regret.

“I’ve been such a fool, Jon”, she murmured as she wiped away the tears with the facial tissues he had passed to her.

He gave her a sweet smile.

“You are not a fool, Sansa Stark”, he said softly. He reached up to smooth aside some strands of hair that had fallen over her eyes and brushed away a stray tear. 

She sniffed and blew her nose loudly.

“I feel so stupid for saying this but Joff was supposed to be my plus one for the wedding and now…now I don’t have anybody to dance with and I have to wear this bridesmaid dress that makes me look ridiculous”, she said. 

“Sansa”, he said, soothingly, “you look lovely no matter what you wear. I remember when you were going through your rebellious phase at fifteen and you dyed your hair green, slathered on the eyeliner and red lipstick and wore Robb’s old leather jacket. Robb was horrified but I thought you looked dangerous and beautiful.”

She blushed and lowered her gaze. She replayed his words in her head, checking for signs of insincerity. But this was Jon who has always been honest and straightforward with her. 

He ducked his head so that his eyes met hers. 

“I’ll be your plus one, Sansa”, he said seriously. 

“Oh, Jon, you don’t have to do that. I’m just wallowing in self-pity right now. I’ll be fine…really”, she replied, putting on a brave face. 

“I’m not doing it out of pity, Sansa”, he said. “I want to because I really like you and I want us to spend time together”.

“Really?” she squeaked.

Jon leaned forward and took both her hands. 

“Sansa, I’m almost embarrassed to admit how long I’ve liked you and wanted to tell you so”, he said. 

She eyed him boldly.

“Just to be clear…are you asking me out?” she asked.

“Yes”, he replied firmly. “I know…I know my timing sucks since you just had a bad break-up but…I firmly believe in taking advantage of opportunities when they present themselves”.

“But aren’t you going home after the wedding? I’m not so sure I want to get into a long-distance relationship just now”, she said doubtfully, as she circled a finger on the palm of his hand.

“I am”, he replied, “but just to pack up my stuff and then I’m moving back here after Christmas to begin articling for a downtown law firm. So, I’ll be here…if you want me”.

She mentally ticks off the reasons why this could all end in tears and she can’t come up with any. Then she goes through all the reasons why this could work: I already know and trust him, he obviously adores me and has for a very long time and my family loves him and has virtually adopted him already. And, God, he looks so good, so solid and dependable. 

She beamed at him. Then she reached up to cup his face and stroked his cheek.

“I do want you. I’ve wanted you since we were both kids”, she admitted, feeling that little flutter of excitement beating inside. 

“So”, he said brightly, “which one of us is going to tell Robb?”

“We’ll tell him together”, she laughed, “after the wedding, if he hasn’t figured it out first”. 

She glanced at the clock hanging on the wall behind the counter and realized that the wedding rehearsal was due to begin in ten minutes. 

“We better get moving” she said as she gestured towards the clock, “the church should be open by now”.

They both stood up to get ready to face the storm outside. Jon paid for their meal while Sansa waited by the door, gazing at the sparkly snow as it dipped and swirled in the late afternoon gloom and the Christmas lights glowing in the distance. 

“Ready?” Jon asked quietly as he came up beside her.

“Absolutely”, she replied with a smile as she slipped her gloved hand into his and squeezed it tightly.


End file.
